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Slow & close

Slow nights and closeness: a beginner's guide

Hours instead of minutes. Long make-outs, showers together, eye contact and very slow sex are about closeness more than technique.

In the quiz

• A long, slow night with nowhere to be
• Long make-out sessions
• Very slow or tantric sex
• Lots of eye contact
• Showering or bathing together

How to start

1. Plan it like a date: kids out of the house if you have them, phones in another room.
2. Start with kissing only, for longer than feels normal.
3. Build in pauses. Stop, talk, start again.
4. Try holding eye contact during sex for a minute at a time.

How to keep it safe

• Talk about what each of you needs to feel unhurried: time, privacy, a locked door.
• If one of you tends to rush, agree on a word that means slow down.

What you need

• Starter: a lock on the bedroom door and a playlist.
• Upgrade: a weekend away.

Ideas to try

• No intercourse for the first hour.
• Start the night in the shower or bath together.

Is your partner into it too?

Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see slow nights and closeness in your results if you both said some kind of yes.

Take the quiz

Sources

• Lehmiller, J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire (survey of 4,175 Americans).
• Muise et al. (2019). Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Related guides

• Full-body massage

  The easiest way to slow down and get comfortable touching each other with no pressure. It works on its own or as a long warm-up.

• Quickies and scheduling

  Short, spontaneous sex fits busy lives, and scheduling it makes sure it actually happens.

Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.