Impact & pain
Spanking: a beginner's guide
From playful swats to a sting that lasts for days. Spanking is one of the most commonly tried kinks, and it’s easy to scale up or down.
In the quiz
- Playful swats
- Spanking
- Spanking that leaves a mark
- Paddles
- A cane
- Caning that leaves welts for days
How to start
- Warm up with lighter swats and rubbing before anything harder.
- Aim for the fleshy lower half of the buttocks, never the lower back or tailbone.
- Use a 1 to 10 scale and ask for a number now and then.
- Alternate sides and pause often.
How to keep it safe
- Stay away from the kidneys, spine, tailbone and joints.
- Paddles and canes hit much harder than a hand. Start very light.
- Marks can last for days. Agree on whether that’s okay.
What you need
- Starter: your hand.
- Upgrade: a leather paddle, then a cane once your aim is good.
Ideas to try
- They count each one out loud.
- A spanking as the “punishment” in a role-play.
Is your partner into it too?
Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see spanking in your results if you both said some kind of yes.
Sources
- Herbenick et al. (2017). Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLOS ONE.
- Sagarin et al. (2009). Hormonal changes and couple bonding in consensual sadomasochistic activity. Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Related guides
- Rough sex
Harder, more physical sex: grabbing, pushing, pinning, wrestling. It’s common, and plenty of people want it without wanting pain.
- Hair pulling
A firm handful of hair can feel possessive and intense without much pain, when it’s done right.
- Biting, scratching and marks
Teeth, nails and the marks they leave. For some people the mark the next day is the best part.
- Floggers and crops
Floggers and crops spread or focus sensation in ways a hand can’t. Thuddy feels like a deep massage. Stingy feels sharp.
Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.