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Swapping and opening up: a beginner's guide

Swapping partners with another couple, or opening the relationship under rules you agree on. More people have tried it than you’d guess.

In the quiz

• Swapping with another couple
• An open relationship

How to start

1. Start with soft swap: everything but sex, or playing side by side in the same room.
2. Agree on what each of you can do, and where.
3. Meet couples socially before anything else.

How to keep it safe

• Regular STI testing.
• Revisit the rules after every time.
• Either of you can stop it at any time.

What you need

• Starter: condoms.
• Upgrade: a couples dating app.

Ideas to try

• Same room only, no swapping.
• A lifestyle event weekend.

Is your partner into it too?

Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see swapping and opening up in your results if you both said some kind of yes.

Take the quiz

Sources

• Haupert et al. (2017). Prevalence of experiences with consensual nonmonogamous relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
• Kimberly & Hans (2017). From fantasy to reality: A grounded theory of experiences in the swinging lifestyle. Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Related guides

• Threesomes

  Adding one more person. It’s the most common sexual fantasy, and far fewer people do it, so talk it through carefully.

• Hotwife and stag

  One partner plays with others while the other watches or hears about it, with pride rather than humiliation. Often called hotwife and stag, or hothusband and vixen.

• Cuckolding

  Like hotwifing, but with teasing or humiliation for the partner who watches. It’s a far more common fantasy than people admit.

Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.