Talk & tease
Dirty talk: a beginner's guide
Saying what you want, what you’re doing or what you’re about to do. For a lot of couples it’s the fastest, cheapest way to turn things up.
In the quiz
- Dirty talk in bed
- Being loud
- Talking each other through it
How to start
- Start with description, not performance: say what feels good while it’s happening.
- Use their name. It lands harder than any line.
- Try it by text first if saying it out loud feels awkward.
- Ask which words they love and which ones kill the mood.
How to keep it safe
- Agree on words that are off limits. Keep degrading language for when you’ve both said yes to it.
- Laughing is fine. Everyone sounds a little silly at first.
What you need
- Starter: nothing. A white-noise machine helps if the kids sleep nearby.
Ideas to try
- Narrate what you’re about to do before you do it.
- One of you gives step-by-step instructions the other has to follow.
Is your partner into it too?
Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see dirty talk in your results if you both said some kind of yes.
Sources
- Frederick et al. (2018). Differences in orgasm frequency among gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual men and women in a U.S. national sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior.
- Mallory (2022). Dimensions of couples' sexual communication, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction: A meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology.
Related guides
- Sexting, calls and photos
Building anticipation while you’re apart with texts, calls or photos. It’s how a lot of couples keep things going through busy weeks and work trips.
- Sharing fantasies
Telling each other what you think about, whether or not you’d ever do it. Talking about a fantasy is its own kind of sex, and it’s usually where trying things starts.
- Degradation and humiliation
Words and treatment that would be insults anywhere else, used as a turn-on. It’s often about letting go of having to be good.
- Praise
Telling your partner how good they’re being. It’s simple and works on almost everyone.
Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.