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Ownership and collars: a beginner's guide

Belonging to someone, and claiming them. A collar or a discreet necklace makes it something you can wear.

In the quiz

• Possessive talk
• Wearing a collar
• A day collar worn in public

How to start

1. Start with possessive talk.
2. Then a collar worn only in private.
3. Then a day collar or necklace worn out in public.

How to keep it safe

• Collars should never restrict breathing. Leave room for two fingers.
• Don’t attach a leash to the neck and pull.

What you need

• Starter: a leather collar.
• Upgrade: a discreet day collar.

Ideas to try

• A small collaring ceremony.
• A necklace given on an anniversary.

Is your partner into it too?

Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see ownership and collars in your results if you both said some kind of yes.

Take the quiz

Sources

• Brown, Barker & Rahman (2020). A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM. Journal of Sex Research.
• American Counseling Association (2020). Kink culture: What professional counselors need to know. Practice brief.

Related guides

• Pet play

  One of you takes on a pet role: kitten, puppy, eager to please. It’s often more playful and affectionate than sexual.

• Primal play

  Instinct over technique: chasing, wrestling, growling, biting. For some people it’s the most freeing kind of play.

• Brats and brat taming

  One of you pushes back on purpose so the other has to make them behave. It’s playful defiance, and many couples trade roles.

Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.